Finding Balance in the New Year

I have made many resolutions over the years and have learned they are not the most effective way to change long-term behaviour. But I still enter each New Year making a list of things in my life that need improvement. The Atlantic (one of two magazines I subscribe to) asked readers to submit their resolutions for 2023. People said they wanted to

   ...laugh more

        ....replace mean thoughts with kind and patient thoughts

             ...try to be the best person I can be

                   ...stop being a curmudgeon

                       ...talk less and listen more

                           ...do less screen time and more real-world time

                                ...send handwritten notes to family and friends


These are not traditional resolutions about physical self-improvement but an expressed desire to reclaim our humanity. Yesterday I read an excellent book called Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Dr. Anna Lembke. The cover flap says,

“This book is about pleasure. It’s also about pain. Most important, it’s about how to find the delicate balance between the two, and why now more than ever finding balance is essential. We’re living in a time of unprecedented access to high-reward, high-dopamine stimuli: drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagramming, YouTubing, tweeting . . . The increased numbers, variety, and potency is staggering. The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. As such we’ve all become vulnerable to compulsive overconsumption.”

The resolutions submitted to The Atlantic were about people wanting to find balance in their lives. The past century brought many changes, but none as rapid as the last twenty years when internet and smartphone use became universal. While these tools can be used for great good, they have dramatically changed how we interact with each other. The pandemic-triggered isolation of the past three years has made us even more dependent on electronic communication. Our nephew gave us an Echo device for Christmas and introduced Alexa to our home. We set up the speaker and practiced giving commands to Alexa. When she completed our request, we would say “thank you” to the cloud-based robot as if it was a human being. I listened to vinyl records into adulthood, our children listened to cassette tapes and then CDs as they got older. Our grandchildren ask a personified smart speaker to play music for them. 

We cannot stop change but must adapt in ways that preserve our connections with people and nature, as well as our own bodies, spirit and emotions. I will open a new journal tomorrow morning and start a list of goals for 2023. They will reflect my desire to enjoy balance in all aspects of my life in the coming year.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year!!

Winter Solstice

Raven joyfully bounding in the snow

Winter Solstice arrived today between two big storms. We are anticipating the second multi-day snowstorm tomorrow but today was calm and clear. I have missed the sun and made the best of the day outdoors in spite of a cold west wind. The trees in our local woods provide a good windbreak and our dog Raven loves running the trails in the bush. Thankfully it was not icy and the snow was not deep. The shadows were already long in the early afternoon as the sun stayed low in the sky. This is the shortest day of the year or the longest night however you want to look at it. And tomorrow we begin the journey toward summer with slowly lengthening days. I hope we have more cold, high-pressure systems with dry air and clear skies in the next few weeks. Living close to the Great Lakes we have many grey damp days with lake-effect clouds and flurries.

Staying active in the winter months is a challenge for me. I rode my bike today for what is likely the last ride of 2022. My modest annual goal of 1000 km of cycling was achieved last week and I biked at least once every month this year. I do not like walking when conditions are icy and the pavement in the city is often slippery. My winter exercise options are the indoor spin bike and exercise videos but I find myself procrastinating in setting a regular routine. My young co-workers in their smart Lululemon outfits talk about the competitive Peleton routines they do on spin bikes and treadmills early in the morning before work. 

I say, "No thank you!" My joints say, "You are welcome."

A recent research article in the European Heart Journal suggested that we need only eight minutes of high intensity exercise a day to improve our fitness level and decrease the risk of chronic disease. Cardiovascular benefits do not increase significantly with more time spent exercising. I have been trying to think of ways I could enjoy exercising vigorously (there aren't many) and have narrowed it down to doing stairs and short, fast rides on the spin bike. Climbing stairs makes me breathless and I have 198 steps available at work between the first and tenth floors. Eight minutes on an indoor bike is also doable. 

But my winter preference will be trail walking with my Activator poles, weather permitting. Indoor exercise does not come with sunlight, the sound of the wind in the trees, and a cheerful Chickadee song with percussion provided by a variety of woodpeckers. Whatever natural light we can enjoy can go a long way toward improving our mood during the darkness of this season.

(All photos were taken by Becka)

Peace on Earth?

William Blake's painting, The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun

I am almost finished with the One Year Bible for another year and am reading the Book of Revelation, an apocalyptic vision described by the author "John". The book has been fodder for many end-time predictions, most of which have not come true. But the 12th chapter struck me today as an alternate version of the nativity of Jesus Christ which focuses on the battle between good and evil in the spiritual realm. While we celebrate our white-washed, culturally altered version of the nativity, many in the world are tragically experiencing the dangers of war and conflict in a very personal way. I think about those in Ukraine displaced and others suffering in the cold and dark because of Russian attacks on power grids. Those who have not lived through war cannot imagine what it must be like to be under threat of missile attacks day after day. 

William Blake was a poet and artist of the 18th and early 19th centuries. He challenged the norms of society at the time and his work was not widely appreciated while he was alive. Until today, I only knew him as the poet who wrote the lyrics of the hymn Jerusalem. I was looking for an image of the events described in Revelation 12 and came across his four Great Red Dragon paintings.*

Then another sign appeared in heaven: 

an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.

Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. 

The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth 

so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. Rev. 12:3-4

We sing about peace on earth, joy to the world, silent nights and holly jolly Christmases, but our world is not calm, bright, cheerful and peaceful. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a poem called Christmas Bells on December 25, 1863, during the American Civil War. It was set to music in 1872 and is known today as I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. Longfellow wrote in the last two stanzas,

And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, goodwill to men."

Will peace on earth ever come? When will righteousness, justice, lovingkindness and truth prevail? In the Revelator's vision, the woman clothed in the sun and her son were pursued for an extended period as the dragon caused havoc on earth. 

 

Doctors of the World Charity cards

A few years ago, the British charity Doctors of the World sold Christmas cards to raise funds for their work, particularly in the Syrian civil war zone. On their website, they wrote,

“Every Christmas a romanticized picture is presented of the Holy Land of the past, featuring peaceful pastoral images that are shared in homes, churches and high streets across the country. This is completely at odds with the humanitarian crisis that the region faces today."

And so another year has passed as 'we wait for the wrong to fail and the right to prevail'. The gospel writer John recorded Jesus' final discourse with his disciples on the eve of his death. He said in John 14:27,

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The Apostle Paul in Colossians 3 expands the idea further when he says in Colossians 3:12-15,

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, 

since as members of one body you were called to peace. 

And be thankful."

Sadly, many who call themselves 'God's chosen people' have not acted in the way described above and have fueled hatred and division. But in a world filled with uncertainty and unrest, we can have inner peace and hope for the future. And as people filled with Christ's compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and love, we can bring peace to our corner of the earth.

( *I would love to have a Bible illustrated by William Blake but I think he died before finishing his illustrations of the scriptures. His art is Public Domain)

Do You Want Me to Teach You...?

I have had the privilege of getting to know a lovely lady at our new church. A member of my parents' generation, she is a model of faith and resilience. She told me today that she plans to start writing her life story in a book for her family. She has notebooks filled with memories and reflections she has recorded over the years. The youngest of six children, her mother died when she was 21 months old and she was sent to a Mennonite home as a foster child. She eventually returned to her father, new stepmother and siblings when she was older but continued to spend summers on the Mennonite farm where children learned to work alongside the adults. She told me that her foster mother never ordered her to do new things but said instead,

"Do you want me to teach you how to.... make bread, make cook cheese, 

weed the garden, or do the laundry?"

My friend said as a school-aged child she felt special when an adult assumed she was old enough to start a new skill and how the time spent with her "mom" helped consolidate her learning. She grew in confidence and ability and this helped her to be a lifelong learner while successfully tackling significant challenges in her adult years. She continues to be a dynamic role model for her children and grandchildren. (and me!)

Our grandson experiencing learning challenges (photo by his mom)

My mother raised me in a similar way. She recognized when I was ready to learn a new skill or take on a new responsibility, even if I resisted due to fear of failure. Mom bought me a length of material and a pattern the summer I was twelve years old and taught me how to make a dress. I worked beside her as she baked and cooked and made preserves. She let the neighbours know that I was a good babysitter and pushed me to accept evening childcare opportunities for fifty cents an hour. She never had a car at home and she showed us how to use public transit in Toronto with confidence. 

It is often easier to do things ourselves than to teach someone else to do them, accepting their less-than-perfect results as they learn. A parent is more capable than a young child but a transfer of wisdom and knowledge is essential if the child is to mature to independence. I have patients who expect me to "fix them" with a passive physical modality but it is my job to teach them how to help and heal themselves or how to adjust to a new functional level.

There are many wise observations on the importance of investing the time it takes to teach in a way that makes a life-long difference for a child or student. Here are some of my favourites.

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."  –Benjamin Franklin

"Every child deserves a champion—an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be."   – Rita Pierson

"A good teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary."   –Thomas Carruthers

Young children are generally eager to learn but if they are not challenged, quickly become bored and lose interest in creative independent action and thinking. Busy parents can fall into a trap of doing too much for their children to assuage the guilt of not having time to spend with them. College and university teachers I know lament the number of students who expect high marks that do not reflect their efforts and abilities. Even when they are given specific instructions, they do not correct their errors or change their ways. Online learning has been a necessary tool during the Covid pandemic but the teacher becomes a one-dimensional image on a screen or a voice in an earbud. The personal relationship with the teacher has been lost. ChatGPT was released this month as a superior AI bot that can "expertly answer your questions, but also write stories, give life advice, even compose poems and code computer programs" (ref). The answers generated by the bot are well-written and based on "facts", but the computer does not have the ability to fact-check or cite sources, and it may propagate stereotypical biases. It cannot share personal experiences that have not been published. Sadly, it has the potential to make it unnecessary for people to learn to write well.

We suffer if we do not fulfil our need for human connection and mentorship. Online relationships are convenient and useful for staying in touch with family and friends, but they cannot replace authentic face-to-face interactions and the handing down of information from generation to generation. 

Goblin Mode

An unfiltered picture of the dog and me "going goblin" last night

The Oxford English Dictionary's word of the year for 2022 is "Goblin Mode", a term completely new to me and also new to Stephen King who tweeted, 

"I learned a new phrase today: going goblin. I intend to use it at every opportunity." 

The term describes people who are unapologetically self-indulgent, slovenly and lazy, but it is also the antithesis of pressures people feel to present a perfect, edited image of themselves, especially when posting on social media. 

Mom always said that her priorities in housekeeping were to have the beds made, the bathroom clean and the dishes washed and dried. We had to make our beds and my job from a young age was to dry the breakfast dishes before going to school and keep the bathrooms clean. I am still happy with the basic minimum of daily household chores. I married into a family of perfect housekeepers where vacuums were used daily and clutter was non-existent. This caused me considerable anxiety whenever people would drop in for a visit or if I entertained family on a special occasion. I worked in Home Care for a decade and other than a few cases of severe hoarding and filth, homes generally look lived-in and comfortable. Dust bunnies and counter clutter were not the focus of my attention at all.

Princess Anne's Living Room

I saved this picture that was shared widely in the press in February 2021 with titles like, "Princess Anne shares a glimpse into her VERY ordinary living-room", and "Princess Anne Gives Rare Look Inside Her (Relatably Cluttered!) Living Room".

I love this unpretentious candid shot of a very inviting and comfortable home. Princess Anne is not 'going goblin' but she is obviously comfortable with healthy, unfiltered aging along with active and engaging living.

I am very aware of the sheer number of items in our home and actively try to keep unused possessions at a minimum. But as a sentimental person, I find it difficult to throw out things that have a history even if I haven't looked at them for years. We did a big purge about four years ago and are overdue for another one. That may be one of my New Year's resolutions.

My grandmother used to quote this saying and it is old enough that its origin is forgotten. In the end, it is not the house, but the people who make a home. Instagram perfection is not what we should be striving for, and nor is goblin-like slovenly filth. But my goal, even at this stage of life, is to be unapologetically welcoming and ready to share what I have with others. I will never be a person who makes a perfectly clean and organized home my highest priority. 

A Christmas Story from 2018

 Sometimes the past comes flying back and startles you without warning.

The weather had been dreary and the sidewalks icy, so I went to a smallish mall to do some walking. The mall has a little grocery store, a few doctors’ offices, a coffee shop, a bookstore and a dollar store. It is frequented by mothers with small children and senior citizens looking for a little conversation and companionship. 

Bells rang behind me and I looked back to see Santa in pursuit. I stepped aside to let him pass, but he stopped and called me by name. I stared at what little face was visible under the whiskers and hat and saw someone vaguely familiar. I could not tell who he was. 

Santa identified himself... and a sack full of memories unloaded in my mind. 

Santa and his wife attended a young adults' group at our church many years ago. They were not part of the cool crowd for a number of silly reasons and eventually dropped out without really being missed. I saw them a few times over the years in the community and they were always friendly to me. They had a disabled son who took the same school bus as my youngest daughter. A few years ago, Mrs. Santa had a prolonged illness that landed her in my unit at the hospital. Santa took her home when she was still completely dependent on him for all her personal needs. He told me that she was doing much better but he is still her caregiver.

Their life has not been easy but the family stuck together and supported each other.

I asked Santa if he worked for the mall. His answer was, “No.”  He dressed up just to make people smile as he walked through plazas and drove around town in December. As we talked, a vehicle pulled up, the back window rolled down and a little girl looked out in awe as she said, “hi”  to Santa. A few minutes later an elderly man came by for a hug. 

Santa and his family were not successful in the way our group measured success 40 years ago. I deeply regretted any past condescension toward them even when I was outwardly polite. Here he was, in his modest way, selflessly spreading cheer and goodwill to ordinary people in our community. 

The message of Christmas is for everyone, but especially for poor and marginalized people, those who are sick and lonely, and the brokenhearted and hopeless. We must carry the message of Christmas to those in need, not in a patronizing manner, but with respect and kindness. 

Humans are tribal by nature as we gravitate toward those who are most like ourselves and shun, even fear those we feel do not belong to our group. The spirit of Christmas calls us to move outside our comfort zone and meet the needs of the most unlikely holy families among us.

The Refugees: La Sagrada Familia by Kelly Latimore

This very recent and popular painting by Kelly Latimore is available online. The artist generously agreed to allow people to use it freely for non-commercial purposes.

How Old is "Too Old"?

Seen in the hospital parking lot

I work in an environment where workers of all ages are well-integrated. I do not see much ageism from staff but patients will comment on race and age occasionally. Our newest physiotherapist is a full 40 years younger than me so I am old enough to be his grandmother. My husband was triaged in the emergency department last week by a registered nurse who is over 80 years old. She is just another member of an efficient medical team in a very busy department. I perceive my inner self to be considerably younger than my outer self. But I wonder sometimes how my younger peers perceive my age and ability.

  Stereotypical "old people" are resistant to change, critical of younger generations, and cease to be innovative. They may repeat themselves, demonstrate impaired memory, lose their frontal lobe social filters, are inattentive and talk too loudly. Their aches and pains are broadcasted to everyone in earshot and they are often demanding, self-absorbed and self-centred. Fortunately, many seniors avoid these pitfalls and are lovely people who contribute much to society as volunteers, paid workers, family supporters and friends.

Older workers can bring the strength of experience, resilience, reliability and positive mentorship to a workplace. They may have fewer competing interests compared to younger workers who sometimes juggle the stress of child-rearing and elder care along with full-time employment. 

I saw this quote on Stephen Covey's Twitter feed and copied it to give myself time to think about the profound truth that is stated so well. The older we are the easier it is to engage in "story topping" where we interrupt a story-teller with a tale from our experience that gives us the one-upmanship in the conversation. My own children have called me up on this one! Listening well sometimes leads to silent periods in conversation as we wisely process and respond to what has been said. Most people are uncomfortable with silent pauses but silence is sometimes necessary to give the speaker time to express their true emotions. It is important to practice active listening without judgment while ignoring the pop-up responses that enter our thoughts. 

I worked last weekend with the young physiotherapist who recently joined our team. The previous week had been stressful with the sudden death of my brother-in-law and my husband's potentially serious medical diagnosis. The young man respectfully asked how I was doing, stopping his task and turning toward me with empathy and genuine interest while waiting for my reply. I realized firsthand the importance of giving this kind of attention to others when I talked to them. 

My current job requires a reasonable level of physical fitness but of equal importance is the ability to be reliable, empathetic, and willing to learn and accept change while maintaining a positive attitude. I can share my experience without self-focus and encourage my teammates to work to their best potential. 

The Solace of Nature

Sandhill Cranes, part of a large flock of over 100 birds migrating south

Psalm 23 is one of the best-known scriptural texts in the Bible. I enjoy the beautiful rendition used as the theme song for the BBC sitcom The Vicar of Dibley. I include the psalm in my daily prayer time and throughout the pandemic have visualized "walking through the valley of the shadow of death" every time I enter the hospital. But the words that follow, "I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me", have centred me during many stressful days.

This week started with illness and death in our immediate family. Events like these happen to everyone eventually, but the accompanying shock and stress need to be processed in a healthy way. I got up after a sleepless night yesterday and decided that I needed to explore paths of righteousness with (green) pastures and still waters. I haven't had time recently to go birding and the day was perfect for exploring some local trails.

Northern Cardinal

I enjoyed seeing many regular birds that were easier to spot now the leaves are off the trees and shrubs. People leave birdseed along the trail which attracts seed-eaters in the cold weather. There were many Northern Cardinals, Blue Jays, House Finches, Chickadees, Nuthatches, Juncos and various sparrows to be found. I heard a flock of birds calling as they flew overhead and was pleasantly surprised to see a large group of Sandhill Cranes as they migrated south. What an unexpected find!

Fox Sparrow

Another unexpected find was a group of six Fox Sparrows who were singing their distinctive song in the shrubs. These birds do not nest in our region and were also migrating for the season. The birds are larger sparrows and their fox-red markings are distinctive.

American Tree Sparrow

This American Tree Sparrow is a seasonal visitor and we enjoy large numbers of them here during the winter months. They have a distinctive reddish cap and a chest dot.

Tufted Titmouse

My most exciting find was a Tufted Titmouse. These birds are part of the Chickadee family and are common south of the border. Their range is slowly moving northward. I have seen one near Lake Erie but have never seen one in our region. Their cuteness score is 15/10!!

The picture on the left is not well-focused as these birds do not sit still very long for portraits. But it shows the cartoon-like front view of the Tufted Titmouse. Five pleasurable hours passed quickly and I did feel refreshed and relaxed. We took another walk with the dog in the woods later in the day and affirm the restorative benefits of nature. 

Here is Psalm 23 in the New Living Translation I am currently reading.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honour to his name.

Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

You honour me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

                                                                                all the days of my life,

                                                                                  and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Bird count for the day: 21 land species

Red-tailed hawk, Northern Harrier, Sandhill Crane, Black-capped Chickadee, Tufted Titmouse, American Tree Sparrow, Fox Sparrow, Dark-eyed Junco, House Finch, Northern Cardinal, Blue Jay, Red-breasted Nuthatch, White-breasted Nuthatch, Downy Woodpecker, Hairy Woodpecker, Red-breasted Woodpecker, American Robin, Canada Goose, House Sparrow, Rock Dove, various Gulls, 

                                                            

Winter Comes Early

First snowfall

Winter has come early in more ways than one. Our daughter sent this picture of our grandchildren as they awoke to their first snowfall this morning. They were so excited and couldn't wait to get outside before school to see if they could make a snowman. I doubt they took time to eat breakfast.

We had even more snow overnight where we live. My husband had his first cataract surgery last week and is scheduled to have his second eye done tomorrow. He is not to do any heavy lifting and being the perfectionist he is about yard work, is concerned about raking the last of our autumn leaves as well as clearing today's snow. What a difference in perspective between the young and the old! Somewhere along the line, we lose our enthusiasm for winter as we worry about driving and walking in ice and snow. Clearing our sidewalks and driveways is quite the chore too. A good friend has come over the help with our snow today and his kindness is appreciated greatly. We have many opportunities to be neighbourly in the winter months.

I have worked through the Covid-19 pandemic, but I have never seen the hospital system so overwhelmed as it is this month. We have many adult patients admitted with severe Influenza A as the flu season has hit hard and early. Covid and RSV are prevalent as well. I had an unfortunate patient this week from a retirement home who tested positive for Covid and Influenza A at the same time. Staff members and their families are sick so it is a struggle to cover shifts adequately. We do not have a pediatric unit where I work but children's hospitals are also overwhelmed with respiratory illnesses across the country. 

Yesterday, hospital managers distributed certificates and enamel pins to employees who worked through the pandemic. It is good to recognize work done well, but staff continue to work in a challenging environment with drug and personnel shortages, bulging emergency and medical wards, and the inability to take earned vacations which increases the risk of burn-out. 

I am thankful for the health care we have in Canada. My husband is getting his eye surgery in a timely way with the costs covered by OHIP. People needing urgent treatment are triaged appropriately most of the time. Yet we must do our best to protect our public system by taking more responsibility for our own health. So many conditions I see are lifestyle related and preventable. Wearing masks indoors will help slow the transmission of many respiratory illnesses. Flu vaccination clinics have rolled out and Covid boosters are available. Vaccinated people are getting Covid but generally, their symptoms are not severe. I am making an extra effort to eat well, exercise and get enough sleep to boost my immune system. We are all tired of pandemic restrictions and compliance with protective recommendations has dropped off quickly. I stopped wearing a mask after having Covid this summer, but am going back to wearing one this winter.

It may be a very long season and I am going to pursue the joy of discovery that comes naturally to my grandchildren as much as possible.

Reimagining Remembrance Day

I worked on November 11th in a hospital with an overflowing emergency department which created pressure to get inpatients discharged as quickly as possible. I was in the ER at 11:00 a.m. when the switchboard operator started the announcement for a moment of silence. The PA system malfunctioned and the announcement didn't air. A medical team worked on a patient who just coded, another patient I had a referral for appeared to be close to death, the family hovering at the side of the stretcher. Pausing for a moment of reflection would not have happened even if the switchboard made an announcement.

I have participated in many Remembrance Day ceremonies over the years and have great respect for the men and women who served our country. My grandfather was the doctor and coroner for his town and it was his job to deliver telegrams informing families of the death of a son, husband or brother in  WW2. Mom used to accompany him on some of these calls. My parents were children between the ages of seven and thirteen years during this war and were old enough to be aware of the events in Europe and the losses in their community. When I was growing up there were a good number of WW1 veterans and many WW2 veterans. My best friend's father lost his arm in battle in Italy. But today, there are very few World War veterans remaining and time has distanced the personal connections to these wars. 

There is no glory in war. H.G Wells coined the sardonic description of World War 1 that called it "the war to end wars". We know that there will be no war to end all wars as long as the earth exists. There is no end to the lust for power, the quest for economic resources, and the desire to dominate groups of people. Conflicts have been neverending in my lifetime. The Baby Boomer generation protested the war in Vietnam which turned out to be an unwinnable conflict, just like the more recent invasion of Afghanistan. The current war in Ukraine reminds us how civilians suffer and die as well as soldiers. The political polarization in America which is present to a lesser degree in Canada, reveals the societal fractures and power struggles that lead to armed conflicts. 

I made the decision not to wear a poppy a few years ago. I memorized John McCrea's poem in school and visited his home which is now a museum in Guelph ON. McCrea would never have envisioned his Flanders Fields poppies becoming a powerful international symbol which is trademarked in Canada by the Royal Canadian Legion. Their website states it is their duty "to preserve the Poppy as a sacred symbol of Remembrance of our Veterans". The Legion is not a charity and does not have to provide a detailed accounting of how the poppy funds are used. They challenge anyone who modifies or uses the poppy symbol without their approval. Their disapproval of white poppies as a symbol of peace or the modification of the annoying straight pin is well-reported. Fewer people are wearing them each year.

Remembering must lead to reflection and change that works for peace. WW1 was a geopolitical conflict of Empires during the height of colonialism. The goals of the war were not necessarily noble yet there was an enormous loss of life. The Treaty of Versailles and the Great Depression set the stage for events that led to WW2. The end of WW2 opened the stage for The Cold War and conflicts in the Middle East. Nazi Germany was defeated but peace was and continues to be elusive. 

As younger generations mark Remembrance Day it is important to refocus on the world as it is today, taking lessons from the wars of the last century as a way to recognize pitfalls in our present and future experience. Canada is home to many immigrants who identify with cultures oppressed by colonialism. They are unlikely to identify with our current Remembrance Day focus. The human cost of war is incalculable and the price paid by civilians and refugees is unimaginable in my first-world experience. We are privileged to know a young family from Ukraine who arrived in Canada as refugees in Poland, sponsored by our church. Listening to their experience has been sobering and enlightening.

I respect the opinions of those who may not agree with me, but it is important to move away from the poppy as a sacred symbol, a "Gideon's ephod" so to speak, and look for ways to work for peace and unity in our homes, communities, country and world today.  

Postscript: I appreciate this comment from my good friend whose father served in WW2. 

"It is hard to explain to some people how one can honour those who fought in WWI and WWII without sanctioning the actual wars. I know that my pacifism is shaped by reading Virginia Woolf and others (Woolf states, in a 1940 essay, that unless we can imagine peace we will be condemned to war, and all of its senseless destruction, forever)
I teach World War I poetry (by Wilfrid Owen, Sigfried Sassoon, Isaac Rosenberg) and try to show my students how the soldier-poets condemned the very destruction for which they were responsible... Have you ever read Pat Barker's WWI trilogy? Regeneration is the first and the best volume, I think." LJH

Looking Back

Time gives a perspective that is not available in the midst of our current life experiences. We get caught up in the present or in planning for the future and do not take time for a retrospective evaluation of past events. We watched Rings of Power this month which is a prequel to Lord of the Rings. It is based on the appendices of Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien with brief references to The Silmarillion which was edited by Tolkien's son Christopher Tolkien. These background stories bring light and understanding to the conflicts described in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I love the ferry crossing between Manitoulin Island and Tobermory Ontario. My favourite spot is at the back of the vessel where the sun is setting and seagulls follow the wake of the boat. Standing at the front is windy and cool, but the rear is protected and calm in comparison. Family stories are important but our first-world North American culture has lost many generational storytellers as communities are fragmented and families are blended. People pay therapists to help them uncover the meaning of life experiences and navigate the wake of past events they may not understand. There always is a wake.

I am not a psychotherapist but as a physiotherapist, I sometimes have my patients look back to see how their past vocation or postural and activity habits have contributed to current functional impairments and pain. What kind of pillow or mattress are you using? Show me the wear on your shoes. How much time are you spending on your screen? My patients often forget to mention important past events or I will get different versions of the same story from different family members. Likewise, our family stories become almost legendary at some point but they do hold some insights and truth.

We had a wonderful visit with my father's youngest sister yesterday. She is our last link to first-hand stories from Dad's family. I truly regret that I did not pay attention to my grandparents' stories or ask my parents for a retrospective look back on their lives. I remember Dad saying in his last years that if he could do things over again, he would make some 180-degree turns on decisions he made. He was very private and never elaborated on what he meant by his cryptic reference. My aunt and I reminisced and there were several "ah-ha" moments in the conversation as I understood some confusing childhood memories. I am so grateful for her honesty and willingness to share her stories.

In John 13 Jesus washed the feet of his disciples demonstrating that servanthood, not power was the defining focus of his ministry on earth. Peter protested when it was his turn and Jesus said,

“You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”

The Gospel of John was written decades after this event and by then the writer was in the "someday you will understand" stage of life where confusion and chaos were replaced with clarity and comprehension. 

The church we attend celebrates All Saints' Sunday next week and "those who died in the Lord and received Christian burial from our church are remembered". My husband's parents will be two of the people remembered and it will be the first time I have participated in a service like this. It is good to look back, not from a place of pride and judgement, but from a place where we can acknowledge our own vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and inherited biases, and share in the joys and sufferings of others. 

Currently reading:  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Listening to:  In Winter's House by Tenebrae

"Indian Summer" Comes to an End

View from our deck at sunrise this morning as clouds move in

We have enjoyed a week of warm temperatures, clear skies, misty mornings and brilliant late fall colour. This weather pattern was called Indian summer throughout my lifetime, but the word "Indian" as a description of North American indigenous people is no longer used so I am uncertain what to call this week. But I have spent as much time as possible outdoors.

Indian summer is a brief period of mild summer-like weather that occurs after the first frost. Winds are calm, days are sunny and nights are cool as high pressure dominates the atmosphere. It appears in North America and Europe and is called various names, including gypsy summer, poor man's summer, old woman's summer, little autumn of the geese, pastrami summer or by an assortment of saints' names whose days are celebrated in autumn. I saw a news article today about the lovely Indian summer in Great Britain this week, so I suppose the expression is not censored. There are many songs, books, poems and paintings that use the term "Indian Summer" as a title or in their content.

The sun moves along a lower arc as the earth tilts away from the sun in our hemisphere. The contrasting sunlight and shadow of mid-autumn through late winter is a photographer's friend.

The trail I use for my commute to work is brilliant with yellow and gold colours from Silver Maple, Sugar Maple, Beech, Oak and Black Walnut trees. I ride to work in the dark now, but I often stop on the way home to admire the view. I particularly like the stand of Silver Maple trees with multiple co-dominant trunks and bright yellow foliage.

Our city has planted many Autumn Blaze Maple trees in parks and on boulevards. They are a hybrid cross of Red Maple and Silver Maple. The leaves of this fast-growing tree turn bright red later than the native Red Maple. 

Clouds moved in this morning and a cold front brought wind and rain that brought down many more leaves during the day. We had a little snow before this warm week but more will be on the way soon. I have no complaints after this exceptional autumn.

Morning mist at sunrise yesterday

Eighteen Years Ago Today

Mom at Riversong- October 13, 2004 (Kodak Easyshare)

I took this picture of Mom on October 13, 2004. She and  Dad were here for a fall visit and I took a day off work to tour the region north of our city with them. Riversong is a banquet hall situated on Hawkesville Road at its junction with the Conestoga River near St. Jacobs, Ontario. Old Order Mennonite buggies share the highway here an OOM meeting house is about a kilometre away on Three Bridges Road. Riversong's parking lot is a safe place to stop and enjoy autumn colours along the river. 

I got my first digital camera in 2004 and the picture on the left was taken with my Kodak EasyShare DX4530. The 5MP camera had 3x optical and 3x digital zoom and it took better pictures than my cameras that used film. This camera really changed my life. I started taking nature pictures and due to the instant ability to see them on the computer, I began to identify birds, plants, trees, insects and all things natural. The camera was my motivation to explore natural areas near our home.

Several cameras later, I still love taking pictures. 

Ruth at Riversong- October 13, 2022   (taken by Becka with an iPhone 11)

I decided to visit Riversong again today and did not realize until I started this post that it is exactly 18 years ago today that I was here with Mom and Dad. The maple tree is much larger and the evergreen in the foreground of the first picture has been removed. This phone camera takes better scenery pictures than any point-and-shoot digital camera I have owned. I am trying to resist updating my phone just to have the latest iPhone camera. (Yes, I know that other phones have excellent cameras too)

Here are some more "October 13th" photos.

Mennonite farmer harvesting corn near Hawkesville ON - October 13, 2004

Conestoga River October 13, 2022

Conestoga River- Riversong on the left - October 13, 2022

Old Order Mennonite meeting house -Three Bridges Rd, (part of the TransCanada Trail) October 13, 2022

Happy Thanksgiving!

The months of May and October need to be duplicated each year in our part of the world, perhaps in exchange for March and November. May is the month of spring flowers and, according to Albert Camus,  

"Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower".

The local fall colour is spectacular this year. For the past decade or more, I have gone to a nearby park each Thanksgiving weekend to watch the sun as it rises over the Grand River. It is important to arrive at least thirty minutes before sunrise as the dawn sky is often brilliant before the sun appears. Each year the skies and trees are a little different. This is the first year there was no mist over the river valley as there was some cloud cover and a breeze was present. 

I love to talk to the people who come to the lookout to see this spectacle. This year there was a man who came with his elderly parents. His father could barely walk with canes but the son helped him find a good vantage point where he could sit and rest. A couple of foreign students came with selfie sticks and a middle-aged lady set up a tripod and camera, collecting dozens of photos. Another person stood and quietly recited prayers. I am always in good company here.

White-throated Sparrow

I stepped out on the back deck this morning and noticed a flock of sparrows on the lawn. I figured they were the usual House Sparrows but then heard the distinctive song of the White-throated Sparrow singing "O sweet Canada Canada Canada". These sparrows pass through each spring and autumn and stay for only a few days to rest and eat before continuing their migration north or south. Dark-eyed Juncos have arrived for the winter along with American Tree Sparrows. There is no need to put bird feeders out yet as the garden has plenty of seeds from flower dead-heads.

We had guests for Thanksgiving dinner for the first time since 2019. Covid-19 interrupted our usual family gatherings and it was a pleasure to visit indoors again. The fridge is bulging with leftovers! The bounty of harvest time is something we cannot take for granted in a world where drought and war have been a stark reality for far too many people. 

I read a book this weekend that is one of the best stories I have read in a long time.  Ordinary Grace: A Novel by William Kent Krueger explores themes of loss, love and redemption through the eyes of a thirteen year old son of a Methodist preacher. (Sadly, this book is unlikely to find it way to a church library shelf due to some language but it is better than 99% of "Christian" novels). 

The father preaches at his own daughter's funeral and says,

"For each of us, the sun sets and the sun also rises and, through the grace of our Lord, we can endure our own dark night and rise to the dawning of a new day and rejoice.

Thanksgiving is an attitude that is not based solely on current circumstances. It acknowledges the blessings and sorrows of each day and maintains hope for grace and beauty in the future. 

Invisible People

Last Sunday the gospel reading was from Luke 16:19-31 where Jesus tells the parable of Lazarus and the rich man. During his life, Lazarus was like the people who stand at intersections today asking for money, the people we avert our eyes from as we drive by. The pastor's sermon was based on these verses and talked about the "invisible people" we encounter daily. He and his wife went on a "Journeys of Paul" Greek island cruise this month and he spoke of the service personnel on the ship who came from all over the world and worked for minimal wages to ensure the comfort of the passengers. He and his wife are the types of people who seek out and show interest in the lives and stories of service workers. These people are often overworked, abused by customers and are the working poor of our society. 

This week I had three homeless people from our community as patients, each with challenging hospital discharge issues. Homelessness is increasing as housing prices soar and landlords look for ways to evict long-term tenants who pay lower rents. The homeless population includes people with mental illness, abusive and violent childhood histories, substance abuse issues, chronic physical illness,  and lack of family or social support. Unfortunately, this group also includes students who cannot find or afford housing and single seniors with low incomes. The lists for subsidized housing in our region are years long. There are no easy fixes for adults with problems that contribute to homelessness. Overcoming dysfunctional backgrounds and substance abuse is challenging. One of my middle-aged patients has struggled through life suffering the effects of fetal alcohol syndrome and childhood sexual abuse. They require more than affordable housing and few people would be equipped to care for their complex emotional, physical and social needs at this stage of their life. Effective interventions were needed decades ago. 

I drove around the city the other day to look at the places where my patients had been living. There are several tent cities that have expanded during the summer months. Our downtown park is home to a growing number of tent inhabitants. Our region has erected "A Better Tent City" composed of a group of tiny houses that is in our neighbourhood. One of my young patients lived in a tiny house here with her mother. Three school portables are now on the property; one with showers, one with laundry facilities, and the other with a kitchen where volunteers provide meals for the residents. We live in an affluent community and there are resources to share. We also have people who care about our marginalized citizens. 

Today is Canada's second National Day for Truth and Reconciliation as we recognize the legacy of the Canadian Indian residential school system. While we observe the past abuse toward indigenous people, we realize that systemic racism, gender discrimination, economic inequality, and working-class abuse are rampant around the world today. Protections provided by a strong family unit and a caring community are not there for too many people. 

All week I have been trying to notice the invisible people around me, from the man sleeping in a dew-soaked blanket along the trail I ride to work to the Amazon delivery man who works long hours to deliver our "free" packages. We can value minimum-wage workers, thank them for their service and tip them well. While I cannot fix many underlying problems, recognizing the worth of each person, being kind and generous and taking time to listen to them is a place to start. 

No, this is the kind of fasting I want:

Free those who are wrongly imprisoned;

    lighten the burden of those who work for you.

Let the oppressed go free,

    and remove the chains that bind people.

7 

Share your food with the hungry

    and give shelter to the homeless.

Give clothes to those who need them,

    and do not hide from relatives who need your help.

Feed the hungry,

    and help those in trouble.

Then your light will shine out from the darkness,

    and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.

Isaiah 58: 7,8,10 NLT