Prickles and Hot Peppers

I replaced a few overgrown summer planters with fall blooms last week including this dwarf sunflower. It was covered in buds and brightened up a corner of the garden. Within a couple of unsupervised hours, all the open flowers were bitten off and left lying on the grass. The flowers were not safe even when I moved the pot to the deck beside our chairs. 

Our local squirrel population was decimated last year by a family of foxes with a den in a neighbour's backyard. The neighbour paid to have the foxes relocated and squirrels are flourishing this season. We have one that visits our yard regularly, sampling ripening tomatoes and having an apparent yen for sunflowers. I wouldn't mind so much if it ate the flowers, but it is wantonly destructive. 

Of course, Google had a gaggle of solutions from putting squirrel food in the yard far from the garden to killing and eating the pesky rodents. I chose not one, not two, but three other solutions in combination. 

I covered the soil with cayenne pepper, added a couple of handfuls of dog fur, and topped the mess with some prickly cactus leaves. It rained last night and the moisture did not penetrate the soil at all. But my sunflowers were intact this morning. 

While drinking my tea on the deck early this morning, the said squirrel sat by my chair and gave me a severe scolding. How bold! It has so much food within a 20-metre radius from a large black walnut tree to a cone-heavy spruce next door. It scurried off and a while later came back on the deck carrying a baby squirrel in its mouth by the scruff of the neck. Did the squirrel want to show me one of its offspring? The mother walked along the edge of the flower bed, up the fence and into the maple in the front yard where it has a nest. Sadly, I did not have my camera close by!

I put some seeds on the sundial for the persistent squirrel but I don't think it will deter it from sampling the tomatoes or sunflowers. 

The prickles and hot peppers reminded me of how some people, myself included, respond to people who annoy us. I am not talking about toxic, manipulative people. Often it is the people closest to us who receive the sarcastic barbs and get heat for minor infractions. Social media has become a cesspool of hatred with reactive barbs for anyone who may come from another perspective. 

My backyard squirrel is not a lovely Goldfinch or a brilliant Northern Cardinal, but it is true to its nature and deserves its place in the world. I have decided to be as kind as possible even when it sploots on the fence and tries to take ownership of the yard. However, the sunflowers remain off-limits and the (ugly) repellents will stay as long as they are effective!

Like Mother Like Daughter

Exploring a Lagoon 2012

When Mom was about my age she came to Canada for a Christmas visit. Someone in my husband's family commented that Mom reminded them of me, her daughter. 

Mom replied, "Thank you for the compliment." 

I have always remembered her gracious response because I never felt I could be as good as she was. 

My mother was a wonderful person. Grandma said Mom was an optimistic and organized child who always had her school books packed in the evening for the next day. She was very intelligent and a born leader who demonstrated exceptional resilience. If she made a mistake she started again without excuses and was not one to give up. She was a school teacher, but like the women of her generation, she became a full-time homemaker after I was born. She cooked and canned, made jams and pickled food for our family of seven. She sewed our clothes, curtains, and furniture slipcovers, and entertained guests easily. Our home was always orderly. By the time I was 16, we had moved at least ten times to various locations in South Africa and Canada as Mom and Dad combined paid work with lay ministry in the church. Mom was a hard act to follow and I never felt able to fill her shoes as a much shyer and less confident person by nature. All of her life and even after her death in 2013, Mom has been a significant force in the lives of her children. 

Mom was my age in 1999 which was not very long ago. She had her first cancer surgery the year before. I started to recognize her vulnerabilities and the family dynamics gradually transitioned over the next few years as she required care from her children. It was very difficult for Mom to accept the limitations of aging and illness. She did not want to slow down and felt it important to present a strong faith in the face of her increasing physical weakness. She pushed herself to the point of physical and emotional injury with her stubbornness. Her personality strengths became detrimental to herself. 

Like mother...

I sometimes see my mother in me. 

I had a lovely visit with Mom and Dad in Mexico in January 2012, the year before she died. She was reasonably well after completing chemotherapy, but illness had taken a toll on her physical body. I took many family pictures when we did a day trip to the Pacific Ocean. I designed a photo book and had a copy printed for myself and for Mom. She did not like the book at all! She saw a frail old lady, hair growing in after chemo, her hands aged and her spine humped. 

Mom with her dog, Inge 2012

I saw my strong, beautiful, loving mother, whose body and hands had nurtured our physical and emotional needs for decades. I knew her days were short, and her pictures were very special.

As children mature, their wish for autonomy from their parents can cause conflict. This is a normal part of growing up and marks an important emotional milestone. As a parent, it can be difficult to let go of my control over my daughters and free them from being an extension of me. But shared experiences, learned patterns of behaviour, as well as physical and emotional strengths and weaknesses, are passed from generation to generation whether we recognize it or not. The roots of the family tree run deep. 

The paradox is that in some ways, I am still separating from my mother but in other ways, I am becoming more like her as I age. A few years ago, someone at work called me "the most stoic person they had ever met". I didn't have to think hard to realize where that trait came from. (The comment was quite derogatory at the time)

What is the lesson from these musings? I want to acknowledge my inherited strengths and recognize areas of weakness. 

Can I remain young in my thinking and confidently explore and accept new ideas?

Can I gracefully embrace the changes aging is bringing to my physical body? 

Can I free my children to pursue their own lives, make their own mistakes, and separate from me, even if I do not agree with all their choices?

Can I accept the help I may need in the future with gratitude and without giving criticism because things are not done the way I would have done them?

Can I remain a loving and supportive force in my family and circle of influence?

Can I remove the emotional façades that prevent me from honestly expressing my needs and fears when appropriate? Can I be honest with myself?

Can my faith in God be a strength and not a hindrance as I accept whatever the future may bring without conditions and behind-the-scenes manipulation?

I was blessed to have the mother I had with her strengths and her weaknesses, her faith and her doubts, her joy in living, as well as the sorrows which she tried to hide from others. I no longer have to seek her approval, even though it took a long time to recognize that fact.  

She loved well and in the end, that is what counts the most. I can honour her memory best by showing that kind of love in return. 

Purslane

August brought welcome rain after a month of drought. The plants in the garden flourished in the moisture that arrived along with the humid heat. The "weeds" also grew quickly on the lawn and between the perennial plants. This is the time of year when Purslane is found growing in our region. My Mexican niece visited for a few weeks a couple of years ago and she was the one who identified Purslane in our garden as an edible plant. This succulent plant is cultivated and sold as a vegetable in many places in the world. 

My recent bout of Covid-19 left me without smell or taste for at least three weeks. That along with other upper respiratory symptoms left me craving creamy, sweet foods like ice cream, iced coffee and custards. At least I could sense cold and smoothness in my mouth. Now that my symptoms have resolved, it is time to get back to healthier eating habits. 

I harvested a lot of Purslane as I cleaned up the flower beds this past week. We have very sandy soil so soaking and rinsing the leaves was essential. 

I like greens for breakfast and often cook spinach with onion, garlic, peppers, tomato and mushrooms if I have them handy. My tomato crop is ripening and our Shishito peppers plants have done well this summer.

Breakfast is served;- 

Purslane stir-fried with onions, garlic and peppers and garnished with goat cheese, tomato and a hard-boiled egg. 

Delicious!

Maybe I will cultivate a plot of it next year and stop calling in a weed.

Perspective Taking

Our granddaughter played hide and go seek at the park and would have kept the game up all afternoon. Her delight at being found or finding someone else was fresh with each round. For a child, figuring out where someone is hiding is an exercise in problem-solving, working memory and perspective taking.

Perspective taking is the ability to understand a situation from the point of view of another person. In children, it starts with understanding a different physical perspective. The dog is lying on her mat to my right. The person on the other side of the room sees the dog to her left. 

We were watching llamas and alpacas at the same park with the children. One animal moved behind a shed and our 2-year-old grandson was upset that he couldn't see it anymore. He did not realize that if he walked three metres to the right he would have a different sight line and would be able to see the llama. I had to show him how to do this but he will likely remember in the future. 

Cognitive and social perspective taking is the ability to see things from another person's point of view. Children are very egocentric and it takes time and exposure to different social settings and human interactions for them to recognize that feelings, thoughts and attitudes vary from person to person. A child who is helped to see something from another viewpoint is more empathetic and sociable and performs better in group problem-solving situations. 

Sadly, some adults remain inflexibly self-centred and are not skilled at seeing issues from another's point of view.  Storytelling is a good way to share another perspective. Reading books by Indigenous authors and stories of immigrants to North America and Europe has improved my understanding of how their experiences have shaped their worldview. 

I just read Think Again by Adam Grant. The introduction states,

"...in a rapidly changing world, there's another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: the ability to rethink and unlearn. In our daily lives, too many of us favour the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt. We listen to opinions that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard. We see disagreement as a threat to our egos, rather than an opportunity to learn. We surround ourselves with people who agree with our conclusions when we should gravitate toward those who challenge our thought process. The result is that our beliefs get brittle long before our bones."

I found the concepts and stories in the book to be fascinating. The author states that people who remain curious and open to change have less anxiety in life.

I also finished Rich Villodas' new book Good and Beautiful and Kind this week. I purchased my own copy so I could underline and re-read it. He gives a spiritual view of why we hold on to our hurts and why we put up walls when others do not share our opinions and perspectives. 

Several years ago I attended a Hearing Voices workshop. All the participants were given earbuds and an MP3 device that played a soundtrack of the inner voices that plague a schizophrenic's mind. We were given a set of tasks to complete while listening to the voices such as ordering a drink at the cafeteria and asking a stranger for directions. The voices were sometimes kind but would shout threatening and demeaning accusations at other times. The distraction was hard to deal with while trying to perform everyday tasks. The experience was far more effective than listening to a lecture or reading about schizophrenia and I will not forget the perspective on schizophrenia I gained that day.

The children will achieve the developmental milestones that allow them to comprehend physical and emotional/social perspectives. All of us must work to ensure that we continue to explore and recognize the different perspectives and experiences of people around us.

Sturgeon Super Moon

Moonrise collage August 12, 2022

 I never tire of watching the moon rise but photographs of a full moon rise tend to look the same. My pictures do not show that the moon rises toward the northeast in the winter and the southeast in the summer months. Perspective and context are often lacking when looking at a bright orb in a dark sky. Many photographers photoshop two pictures together;- one with the foreground in focus and one with a large background moon in focus to give perspective. 

I made a collage of three pictures of the rising Sturgeon super moon with each picture taken a few minutes apart. The first shows the bottom of the moon on the horizon and in the third shot,  the moon was high enough that the bright orange colour from lower atmosphere contaminants was fading. The moon always looks huge on the horizon and the changing perspective makes it appear smaller as it rises in the sky.

A large crane sits at a nearby construction site where an apartment tower is being built. The rising moon backlit a portion of the crane while it was above the tree tops. These pictures were taken on August 12, 2022, about 24 hours after the official full moon. But the waning moon was still 98.9% full and other than rising about half an hour later, it looked the same as the moon the night before.

In this age of busy days, rapid change, and a crazy news cycle, the moon marks nature's time with peaceful predictability. As a bonus, we noticed some meteors from the August Perseids shower, Saturn with its rings and a flying bat in the night sky. I would like to visit a place with minimal light pollution but there are no guarantees that the sky would be cloudless if I planned a trip. My moon rise outings are always spontaneous, last-minute excursions if the night is clear. I hate to admit it, but I am coveting a new iPhone just for the night sky photography options their newest cameras have. But I have no need for a new "phone" and my real memory can store the images I see when I look at the night sky.

Upgrading the Bird Bath

I have an under-used bird bath in the garden near the deck and during July's drought, I looked for ways to make it more attractive for birds. I read that most bird baths are too deep and too exposed and smaller birds may feel unsafe in these circumstances. This bird bath came with a pump that is long gone but running water attracts birds and improves the quality of the water. 

I placed a number of rocks in the bird bath to provide varying water depths and more places for smaller birds to perch. A new pump from the local hardware store provided a little waterfall as well as an inviting sound for the birds and me. There are enough tall plants and perches in the vicinity to provide some cover for more cautious birds.

The results were almost immediate as a Red-breasted Nuthatch, Black-capped Chickadees, various sparrows and a pair of Goldfinches arrived in succession. The rocks provided safe perches for drinking and bathing. The birds are most active early in the morning and just before dusk but they visit throughout the day. I have also noticed bees and butterflies landing on the rocks for a drink.

I now recognize the personalities of individual birds. The female Goldfinch perches on the nearby echinacea flowers first and then cautiously approaches the edge of the bowl. One little chickadee always stays at the back edge where the Milkweed leaves provide the most cover.

The male Goldfinch is not afraid to take a full bath, splashing and dunking himself with abandon. 

August has brought a few days of welcome rain and the neighbourhood birds have more sources of moisture right now. But like a bird feeder, a good bird bath attracts returning customers. I have been cleaning the bowl, pump and rocks every five days or so and have to top it up daily as the trickling water tends to evaporate during warm afternoons. 

If you live in a wooded area, you can attract birds like Wood Warblers and other forest species to a low-height bird bath with running water. Ohio blogger and naturalist Julie Zickefoose has designed a unit she calls a WarblerFall and she shares photos and the option to purchase plans to construct one. I would love to attract Warblers but know that outside of migration times, the chances are slim in our urban environment. In the meantime, I will enjoy the regular visitors in my own backyard.

Facing Death

I had two patients die during my shifts last week with one of them experiencing a cardiac arrest after my assistant and I walked them in the hallway and settled them in a bedside chair. I sat with the patient's unnerved son as the code blue team attempted an unsuccessful resuscitation. Health workers distance themselves emotionally from most deaths in the hospital but I try to remember the patients and their stories if I have been involved with them. 

At church yesterday, before the service started, I met a friend I worked with at the hospital for over 15 years. We are the same age and our children went to the same schools together. I had not seen her since the start of the pandemic and she shared that was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. She now has metastatic disease and is preparing for death. She said she was at peace and happy for each day she could enjoy, but she felt sad because she didn't like goodbyes. Her faith is strong and every aspect of the service was divinely tailored for her. From the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness, the anthem May Who All Who Come Behind us Find us Faithful, to the gospel reading and sermon from Luke 12:22-32. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life...“Do not be afraid, little flock..."

Later in the day my daughter, knowing about the events of my week, insisted that I watch episode 6 of the new Netflix series, The Sandman. I knew nothing of the comic books or the storyline but the episode The Sound of Her Wings can be watched without previous context.  Morpheus/Dream and Death spend time together in the first segment of the show as various people faced Death. The other storyline was an exploration of what it would be like to be immortal. All the grief I had absorbed this week came out in tears as I watched this beautifully acted, brilliant one-hour segment. 

Life is made richer by artistic expressions that allow us to explore aspects of our existence that are difficult to talk about and may cause fear. Whether it is a painting, a sculpture, a book or poem, a play, a movie, or a musical composition, creative artistic works open our minds and souls to contemplate the joy and beauty of life as well as our struggles, and sorrows and the inevitability of death. 

 

Electronic Dependence

In July, my husband and his friend flew from Cochrane Ontario to Yesterday Lake in the Unorganized North Cochrane District of northern Ontario. There are no roads in the area and access to the lake is an 87 km trip by float plane. There is one cabin on the entire lake that is serviced without electricity. In this remote area, there is no cell phone or internet service and the satellite phone they were given did not work. They had a wonderful time and caught a lot of fish. Tim and John grew up in an "unconnected world" and being without smartphones and the internet was not a big concern. 

I remember attending The World Congress of Physiotherapy in Tel Aviv, Israel in 1977. The trip included a week touring the country and a week at the conference. In that two-week period, I never contacted home and no one would have expected a call unless there was an emergency. Grandma D. took several overseas trips after she retired. Mom would place pins on a large world map and we would follow her journey according to the planned itinerary. The only correspondence we had was a postcard from each of her stops. How times have changed!

I was reading Psalm 139 recently, a familiar and oft-quoted psalm of David. I was struck by how the words perfectly describe our relationship with personal computers and mobile devices. I replaced the word "Lord" with asterisks in the first five verses. 

 You have searched me, ****,

and you know me.

 You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

 Before a word is on my tongue

you, ****, know it completely.

 You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Google knows my search history and fills my web pages with suggestions of things I may want to see or buy. My phone knows the pattern of my days and gives unbidden suggestions about the best time to leave for work. It is familiar with all my ways and suggests which apps I may want to open throughout the day. Predictive text programs allow me to write messages and emails with minimal typing. Before a word is in my mind my device knows it completely. Most people who are accustomed to carrying a smartphone feel lost if they forget or misplace it. Other smart devices are available to monitor our bodily functions and activity levels. Studies have shown how overdependence on monitoring devices can lead to unnecessary medical investigations and contribute to health anxiety.

Excessive time spent on electronic devices has displaced other important social activities. People spend less time in solitude and quiet reflection. We pick up our devices at the first sign of boredom, at stop signs, in grocery lines, in group settings, and when alone. Many people would rather send a text message than talk on a telephone or visit face to face, myself included. Computers and personal electronic devices are great tools but the benefits come with certain risks.

Sherry Turkle has written several books on the psychology of human relationships with technology. She describes the computer as a tool we now use to analyze ourselves in an increasingly self-centred way.

"Ours has been called a culture of narcissism...We are insecure in our understanding of ourselves, and this insecurity breeds a new preoccupation with the question of who we are. We search for ways to see ourselves. The computer is a new mirror, the first psychological machine. Beyond its nature as an analytical engine lies its second nature as an evocative object." 

Our culture is losing the ability to engage in meaningful face-to-face conversations, active listening,  comfort with solitude, self-reflection, and contemplation. These social skills can increase our empathy and understanding of others in the community. Our pastor commented today in his sermon that, "you don't have to go to church to be a Christian, and you don't have to live with your spouse to stay married." But strong and lasting relationships require us to be present in person. 

The last two verses of Psalm 139 read as follows.

Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 

See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Is God my primary "search engine"? Spiritual formation requires time spent in quiet meditation, reflection, prayer and listening. There is no app for these disciplines. The things we spend time on are the things that form us emotionally and spiritually. I don't want the words of this beautiful Psalm, which describe an intimate relationship with God, to be a description of an electronic device which provides a pseudo-relationship that is neither human nor spirit. We need a mirror that reflects our spiritual source, not a mirror that introspectively analyzes every detail of our lives. 

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord,

are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory,

just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:17-18