Finding Balance in the New Year

I have made many resolutions over the years and have learned they are not the most effective way to change long-term behaviour. But I still enter each New Year making a list of things in my life that need improvement. The Atlantic (one of two magazines I subscribe to) asked readers to submit their resolutions for 2023. People said they wanted to

   ...laugh more

        ....replace mean thoughts with kind and patient thoughts

             ...try to be the best person I can be

                   ...stop being a curmudgeon

                       ...talk less and listen more

                           ...do less screen time and more real-world time

                                ...send handwritten notes to family and friends


These are not traditional resolutions about physical self-improvement but an expressed desire to reclaim our humanity. Yesterday I read an excellent book called Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Dr. Anna Lembke. The cover flap says,

“This book is about pleasure. It’s also about pain. Most important, it’s about how to find the delicate balance between the two, and why now more than ever finding balance is essential. We’re living in a time of unprecedented access to high-reward, high-dopamine stimuli: drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagramming, YouTubing, tweeting . . . The increased numbers, variety, and potency is staggering. The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. As such we’ve all become vulnerable to compulsive overconsumption.”

The resolutions submitted to The Atlantic were about people wanting to find balance in their lives. The past century brought many changes, but none as rapid as the last twenty years when internet and smartphone use became universal. While these tools can be used for great good, they have dramatically changed how we interact with each other. The pandemic-triggered isolation of the past three years has made us even more dependent on electronic communication. Our nephew gave us an Echo device for Christmas and introduced Alexa to our home. We set up the speaker and practiced giving commands to Alexa. When she completed our request, we would say “thank you” to the cloud-based robot as if it was a human being. I listened to vinyl records into adulthood, our children listened to cassette tapes and then CDs as they got older. Our grandchildren ask a personified smart speaker to play music for them. 

We cannot stop change but must adapt in ways that preserve our connections with people and nature, as well as our own bodies, spirit and emotions. I will open a new journal tomorrow morning and start a list of goals for 2023. They will reflect my desire to enjoy balance in all aspects of my life in the coming year.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy New Year!!

Winter Solstice

Raven joyfully bounding in the snow

Winter Solstice arrived today between two big storms. We are anticipating the second multi-day snowstorm tomorrow but today was calm and clear. I have missed the sun and made the best of the day outdoors in spite of a cold west wind. The trees in our local woods provide a good windbreak and our dog Raven loves running the trails in the bush. Thankfully it was not icy and the snow was not deep. The shadows were already long in the early afternoon as the sun stayed low in the sky. This is the shortest day of the year or the longest night however you want to look at it. And tomorrow we begin the journey toward summer with slowly lengthening days. I hope we have more cold, high-pressure systems with dry air and clear skies in the next few weeks. Living close to the Great Lakes we have many grey damp days with lake-effect clouds and flurries.

Staying active in the winter months is a challenge for me. I rode my bike today for what is likely the last ride of 2022. My modest annual goal of 1000 km of cycling was achieved last week and I biked at least once every month this year. I do not like walking when conditions are icy and the pavement in the city is often slippery. My winter exercise options are the indoor spin bike and exercise videos but I find myself procrastinating in setting a regular routine. My young co-workers in their smart Lululemon outfits talk about the competitive Peleton routines they do on spin bikes and treadmills early in the morning before work. 

I say, "No thank you!" My joints say, "You are welcome."

A recent research article in the European Heart Journal suggested that we need only eight minutes of high intensity exercise a day to improve our fitness level and decrease the risk of chronic disease. Cardiovascular benefits do not increase significantly with more time spent exercising. I have been trying to think of ways I could enjoy exercising vigorously (there aren't many) and have narrowed it down to doing stairs and short, fast rides on the spin bike. Climbing stairs makes me breathless and I have 198 steps available at work between the first and tenth floors. Eight minutes on an indoor bike is also doable. 

But my winter preference will be trail walking with my Activator poles, weather permitting. Indoor exercise does not come with sunlight, the sound of the wind in the trees, and a cheerful Chickadee song with percussion provided by a variety of woodpeckers. Whatever natural light we can enjoy can go a long way toward improving our mood during the darkness of this season.

(All photos were taken by Becka)

Peace on Earth?

William Blake's painting, The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun

I am almost finished with the One Year Bible for another year and am reading the Book of Revelation, an apocalyptic vision described by the author "John". The book has been fodder for many end-time predictions, most of which have not come true. But the 12th chapter struck me today as an alternate version of the nativity of Jesus Christ which focuses on the battle between good and evil in the spiritual realm. While we celebrate our white-washed, culturally altered version of the nativity, many in the world are tragically experiencing the dangers of war and conflict in a very personal way. I think about those in Ukraine displaced and others suffering in the cold and dark because of Russian attacks on power grids. Those who have not lived through war cannot imagine what it must be like to be under threat of missile attacks day after day. 

William Blake was a poet and artist of the 18th and early 19th centuries. He challenged the norms of society at the time and his work was not widely appreciated while he was alive. Until today, I only knew him as the poet who wrote the lyrics of the hymn Jerusalem. I was looking for an image of the events described in Revelation 12 and came across his four Great Red Dragon paintings.*

Then another sign appeared in heaven: 

an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.

Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. 

The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth 

so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. Rev. 12:3-4

We sing about peace on earth, joy to the world, silent nights and holly jolly Christmases, but our world is not calm, bright, cheerful and peaceful. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a poem called Christmas Bells on December 25, 1863, during the American Civil War. It was set to music in 1872 and is known today as I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. Longfellow wrote in the last two stanzas,

And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, goodwill to men."

Will peace on earth ever come? When will righteousness, justice, lovingkindness and truth prevail? In the Revelator's vision, the woman clothed in the sun and her son were pursued for an extended period as the dragon caused havoc on earth. 

 

Doctors of the World Charity cards

A few years ago, the British charity Doctors of the World sold Christmas cards to raise funds for their work, particularly in the Syrian civil war zone. On their website, they wrote,

“Every Christmas a romanticized picture is presented of the Holy Land of the past, featuring peaceful pastoral images that are shared in homes, churches and high streets across the country. This is completely at odds with the humanitarian crisis that the region faces today."

And so another year has passed as 'we wait for the wrong to fail and the right to prevail'. The gospel writer John recorded Jesus' final discourse with his disciples on the eve of his death. He said in John 14:27,

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. 

I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The Apostle Paul in Colossians 3 expands the idea further when he says in Colossians 3:12-15,

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, 

since as members of one body you were called to peace. 

And be thankful."

Sadly, many who call themselves 'God's chosen people' have not acted in the way described above and have fueled hatred and division. But in a world filled with uncertainty and unrest, we can have inner peace and hope for the future. And as people filled with Christ's compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and love, we can bring peace to our corner of the earth.

( *I would love to have a Bible illustrated by William Blake but I think he died before finishing his illustrations of the scriptures. His art is Public Domain)

Do You Want Me to Teach You...?

I have had the privilege of getting to know a lovely lady at our new church. A member of my parents' generation, she is a model of faith and resilience. She told me today that she plans to start writing her life story in a book for her family. She has notebooks filled with memories and reflections she has recorded over the years. The youngest of six children, her mother died when she was 21 months old and she was sent to a Mennonite home as a foster child. She eventually returned to her father, new stepmother and siblings when she was older but continued to spend summers on the Mennonite farm where children learned to work alongside the adults. She told me that her foster mother never ordered her to do new things but said instead,

"Do you want me to teach you how to.... make bread, make cook cheese, 

weed the garden, or do the laundry?"

My friend said as a school-aged child she felt special when an adult assumed she was old enough to start a new skill and how the time spent with her "mom" helped consolidate her learning. She grew in confidence and ability and this helped her to be a lifelong learner while successfully tackling significant challenges in her adult years. She continues to be a dynamic role model for her children and grandchildren. (and me!)

Our grandson experiencing learning challenges (photo by his mom)

My mother raised me in a similar way. She recognized when I was ready to learn a new skill or take on a new responsibility, even if I resisted due to fear of failure. Mom bought me a length of material and a pattern the summer I was twelve years old and taught me how to make a dress. I worked beside her as she baked and cooked and made preserves. She let the neighbours know that I was a good babysitter and pushed me to accept evening childcare opportunities for fifty cents an hour. She never had a car at home and she showed us how to use public transit in Toronto with confidence. 

It is often easier to do things ourselves than to teach someone else to do them, accepting their less-than-perfect results as they learn. A parent is more capable than a young child but a transfer of wisdom and knowledge is essential if the child is to mature to independence. I have patients who expect me to "fix them" with a passive physical modality but it is my job to teach them how to help and heal themselves or how to adjust to a new functional level.

There are many wise observations on the importance of investing the time it takes to teach in a way that makes a life-long difference for a child or student. Here are some of my favourites.

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."  –Benjamin Franklin

"Every child deserves a champion—an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be."   – Rita Pierson

"A good teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary."   –Thomas Carruthers

Young children are generally eager to learn but if they are not challenged, quickly become bored and lose interest in creative independent action and thinking. Busy parents can fall into a trap of doing too much for their children to assuage the guilt of not having time to spend with them. College and university teachers I know lament the number of students who expect high marks that do not reflect their efforts and abilities. Even when they are given specific instructions, they do not correct their errors or change their ways. Online learning has been a necessary tool during the Covid pandemic but the teacher becomes a one-dimensional image on a screen or a voice in an earbud. The personal relationship with the teacher has been lost. ChatGPT was released this month as a superior AI bot that can "expertly answer your questions, but also write stories, give life advice, even compose poems and code computer programs" (ref). The answers generated by the bot are well-written and based on "facts", but the computer does not have the ability to fact-check or cite sources, and it may propagate stereotypical biases. It cannot share personal experiences that have not been published. Sadly, it has the potential to make it unnecessary for people to learn to write well.

We suffer if we do not fulfil our need for human connection and mentorship. Online relationships are convenient and useful for staying in touch with family and friends, but they cannot replace authentic face-to-face interactions and the handing down of information from generation to generation. 

Goblin Mode

An unfiltered picture of the dog and me "going goblin" last night

The Oxford English Dictionary's word of the year for 2022 is "Goblin Mode", a term completely new to me and also new to Stephen King who tweeted, 

"I learned a new phrase today: going goblin. I intend to use it at every opportunity." 

The term describes people who are unapologetically self-indulgent, slovenly and lazy, but it is also the antithesis of pressures people feel to present a perfect, edited image of themselves, especially when posting on social media. 

Mom always said that her priorities in housekeeping were to have the beds made, the bathroom clean and the dishes washed and dried. We had to make our beds and my job from a young age was to dry the breakfast dishes before going to school and keep the bathrooms clean. I am still happy with the basic minimum of daily household chores. I married into a family of perfect housekeepers where vacuums were used daily and clutter was non-existent. This caused me considerable anxiety whenever people would drop in for a visit or if I entertained family on a special occasion. I worked in Home Care for a decade and other than a few cases of severe hoarding and filth, homes generally look lived-in and comfortable. Dust bunnies and counter clutter were not the focus of my attention at all.

Princess Anne's Living Room

I saved this picture that was shared widely in the press in February 2021 with titles like, "Princess Anne shares a glimpse into her VERY ordinary living-room", and "Princess Anne Gives Rare Look Inside Her (Relatably Cluttered!) Living Room".

I love this unpretentious candid shot of a very inviting and comfortable home. Princess Anne is not 'going goblin' but she is obviously comfortable with healthy, unfiltered aging along with active and engaging living.

I am very aware of the sheer number of items in our home and actively try to keep unused possessions at a minimum. But as a sentimental person, I find it difficult to throw out things that have a history even if I haven't looked at them for years. We did a big purge about four years ago and are overdue for another one. That may be one of my New Year's resolutions.

My grandmother used to quote this saying and it is old enough that its origin is forgotten. In the end, it is not the house, but the people who make a home. Instagram perfection is not what we should be striving for, and nor is goblin-like slovenly filth. But my goal, even at this stage of life, is to be unapologetically welcoming and ready to share what I have with others. I will never be a person who makes a perfectly clean and organized home my highest priority. 

A Christmas Story from 2018

 Sometimes the past comes flying back and startles you without warning.

The weather had been dreary and the sidewalks icy, so I went to a smallish mall to do some walking. The mall has a little grocery store, a few doctors’ offices, a coffee shop, a bookstore and a dollar store. It is frequented by mothers with small children and senior citizens looking for a little conversation and companionship. 

Bells rang behind me and I looked back to see Santa in pursuit. I stepped aside to let him pass, but he stopped and called me by name. I stared at what little face was visible under the whiskers and hat and saw someone vaguely familiar. I could not tell who he was. 

Santa identified himself... and a sack full of memories unloaded in my mind. 

Santa and his wife attended a young adults' group at our church many years ago. They were not part of the cool crowd for a number of silly reasons and eventually dropped out without really being missed. I saw them a few times over the years in the community and they were always friendly to me. They had a disabled son who took the same school bus as my youngest daughter. A few years ago, Mrs. Santa had a prolonged illness that landed her in my unit at the hospital. Santa took her home when she was still completely dependent on him for all her personal needs. He told me that she was doing much better but he is still her caregiver.

Their life has not been easy but the family stuck together and supported each other.

I asked Santa if he worked for the mall. His answer was, “No.”  He dressed up just to make people smile as he walked through plazas and drove around town in December. As we talked, a vehicle pulled up, the back window rolled down and a little girl looked out in awe as she said, “hi”  to Santa. A few minutes later an elderly man came by for a hug. 

Santa and his family were not successful in the way our group measured success 40 years ago. I deeply regretted any past condescension toward them even when I was outwardly polite. Here he was, in his modest way, selflessly spreading cheer and goodwill to ordinary people in our community. 

The message of Christmas is for everyone, but especially for poor and marginalized people, those who are sick and lonely, and the brokenhearted and hopeless. We must carry the message of Christmas to those in need, not in a patronizing manner, but with respect and kindness. 

Humans are tribal by nature as we gravitate toward those who are most like ourselves and shun, even fear those we feel do not belong to our group. The spirit of Christmas calls us to move outside our comfort zone and meet the needs of the most unlikely holy families among us.

The Refugees: La Sagrada Familia by Kelly Latimore

This very recent and popular painting by Kelly Latimore is available online. The artist generously agreed to allow people to use it freely for non-commercial purposes.