Looking Back

Time gives a perspective that is not available in the midst of our current life experiences. We get caught up in the present or in planning for the future and do not take time for a retrospective evaluation of past events. We watched Rings of Power this month which is a prequel to Lord of the Rings. It is based on the appendices of Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien with brief references to The Silmarillion which was edited by Tolkien's son Christopher Tolkien. These background stories bring light and understanding to the conflicts described in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I love the ferry crossing between Manitoulin Island and Tobermory Ontario. My favourite spot is at the back of the vessel where the sun is setting and seagulls follow the wake of the boat. Standing at the front is windy and cool, but the rear is protected and calm in comparison. Family stories are important but our first-world North American culture has lost many generational storytellers as communities are fragmented and families are blended. People pay therapists to help them uncover the meaning of life experiences and navigate the wake of past events they may not understand. There always is a wake.

I am not a psychotherapist but as a physiotherapist, I sometimes have my patients look back to see how their past vocation or postural and activity habits have contributed to current functional impairments and pain. What kind of pillow or mattress are you using? Show me the wear on your shoes. How much time are you spending on your screen? My patients often forget to mention important past events or I will get different versions of the same story from different family members. Likewise, our family stories become almost legendary at some point but they do hold some insights and truth.

We had a wonderful visit with my father's youngest sister yesterday. She is our last link to first-hand stories from Dad's family. I truly regret that I did not pay attention to my grandparents' stories or ask my parents for a retrospective look back on their lives. I remember Dad saying in his last years that if he could do things over again, he would make some 180-degree turns on decisions he made. He was very private and never elaborated on what he meant by his cryptic reference. My aunt and I reminisced and there were several "ah-ha" moments in the conversation as I understood some confusing childhood memories. I am so grateful for her honesty and willingness to share her stories.

In John 13 Jesus washed the feet of his disciples demonstrating that servanthood, not power was the defining focus of his ministry on earth. Peter protested when it was his turn and Jesus said,

“You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.”

The Gospel of John was written decades after this event and by then the writer was in the "someday you will understand" stage of life where confusion and chaos were replaced with clarity and comprehension. 

The church we attend celebrates All Saints' Sunday next week and "those who died in the Lord and received Christian burial from our church are remembered". My husband's parents will be two of the people remembered and it will be the first time I have participated in a service like this. It is good to look back, not from a place of pride and judgement, but from a place where we can acknowledge our own vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and inherited biases, and share in the joys and sufferings of others. 

Currently reading:  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Listening to:  In Winter's House by Tenebrae