Valentine Day Thoughts

Valentine's Day has evolved into a commercial celebration of romantic love where gift and card purchases represent the depth of feeling we have for another person. There is a time and place for romantic love, but I would venture to say that it is not relevant for many people this February 14th. Whether or not we are in a romantic relationship, love is something we all need, from a newborn baby to a lonely senior citizen in their final years. We need to be loved to be emotionally healthy and people seeking love can be vulnerable to abusive forms of attention.  The words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 are often quoted at weddings, but they were written for all people at all times. When everything else is gone, faith, hope and love remain but love is the greatest of all. If love is not demonstrated appropriately the other 364 days of the year, a Valentine Day expression of love is meaningless. 

My husband and I will be married 46 years this April. Every relationship has its ups and downs but my husband has qualities that have made our relationship endure. He is a very kind man who cares for others. He is not deceitful, is thoughtful and helpful, and if there has been a disagreement or misunderstanding, he is quick to ask forgiveness. He has always been very caring toward my family for which I am grateful. He has loyal friends which is an indicator of a good person. We were married in our early 20s and have both changed over the years. But our shared faith, family, and home have been uniting even though we have diverse interests. We give each other freedom to do things we enjoy individually. Semi-retirement is requiring some tweaking of routines as happens in each new season of life. Do we live out 1 Corinthians 13 every day? I know I don't, but it is my goal.

Beech trees are subject to abuse as the smooth bark invites people to carve hearts and dates and initals with sharp tools. The cutting of bark, just like the cutting of skin, allows pathogens and invasive species to enter the tree causing scarring and disease. We found this tree which was damaged by an expression of love. Similarily, people can be damaged by manipulative and selfish expressions of affection. It is important to recognize the difference between true love and emotional manipulation which can destroy the soul of a person. Sometimes boundaries are necessary. Manipulative people may say the right words but their motivation is self-centred, self-serving, deceitful and they blame and abuse others when they do not get their own way. Every phrase in the word cloud above has an antonym that describes a negative emotional relationship. Words like unkind, impatient, distrustful, rude, envious, angry, irritable, selfish, unforgiving, and indifferent to the needs of others. 

All of us can find someone who needs love, even if it is not in a romantic context. And well-expressed love will change us, our families, our neighbourhoods and our world. 

On the same walk in the woods we found another love message, one that will last as long as the snowfall but will not damage the tree. It expresses a fleeting sentiment just like a Valentine card. 

John called himself "the disciple that Jesus loved" and his words in the Gospel of John and the Epistles of John elaborate on the meaning of love. 1 John 3 starts by telling the reader. 

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

Further down he says, "We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other." He charges us to love our brothers and sisters and adds,

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

And that is how true love is revealed in us.