Learning to Listen, and a Book Recommendation

 

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say- (Anon)

I don't know what one Bald Eagle was saying to the other by the Nith River, but it was a noisy discourse! The wise, quiet Eagle was listening intently. 

One of the young therapists I worked with over the past four years was an excellent listener. When someone spoke to him, even when we were at our desks completing charting, he would stop what he was doing, turn around, and give his full attention to the speaker.  This is particularly noteworthy in an era when multitasking and distractedness are what we have come to expect. 

(internet meme, photo source unknown)

I am often frustrated when riding on shared bike/pedestrian trails around town when people are engrossed with their phones or are wearing earphones. I startled one lady who screamed obscenities at me, even though I rang and yelled four times that I was passing on the left. Other people walking the trail shook their heads in disbelief. It amazes me that some people are totally oblivious to their environment and the movements of others around them. Safety begins with cognitive alertness and awareness of our surroundings. Many people are more attuned to their devices than to real humans.

I came from a family of talkers. I was on the shyer, introverted side, like my father, but could dominate a conversation with people I knew. I had no awareness that I formulated come-back responses in my head rather than listening and pausing to respond. My verbal judgments were quick and very black and white.  Even worse was my learned tendency to one-up someone else's story. (I wrote on this theme in a post in 2022). I am more aware of my need to listen attentively, but old habits are hard to completely extinguish. I recognize that people will not share their vulnerabilities and fears if they expect to be chastised and judged. 

I read a library copy of Theo of Golden, this week and loved every page. This bestselling book, a debut novel by 69-year-old Allen Levi, was first published in November 2025. I would classify it as an allegory that explores the nuances of human connectiveness and the importance of building trusting relationships. At the age of 87, Theo has become the best of listeners who gains the trust of others without talking about himself. He demonstrated the ability to understand people from a mix of racial, social and economic backgrounds. It isn't until the surprise ending that we realize that Theo was once a self-centred, ambitious man who did not value his most important relationships when he was young. I think some of the story's popularity is based on our yearning to know a Theo-type person, someone who listens and cares about us on a deep level. We want to live in communities without injustice, where people see the worth in others. We need to make time to unplug from our devices and be an empathetic, physical presence in our communities, someone who listens without interruption and makes others feel valued.