Is our value in what we do or what we are?

I met a delightful, fully oriented 99-year-old in the emergency department today. She will turn 100 in three and a half weeks. She did not want me to assess her mobility and I wasn't about to force someone her age to do an immediate walk test in the hallway. She just wanted to talk so I pulled up a chair to listen at her stretcher-height level. She told me about her interesting life, her childhood and dear sister, raising her two sons, her published book of poetry and her teaching experiences at two different high schools. She could no longer read due to macular degeneration and told me sadly, 

"I just hate getting stupid. I find it so much harder to learn new things now."

She showed me the unusual double "lifeline" on her palm and said she always thought she would live to 120. But she didn't want to keep going if she could not do things anymore. Her comments made me think about how our self-worth is often tied up in our actions. 

We are not a sum of what we do, but a sum of what we are. 

Developing our abilities and the achievement of goals is important. But a good character and a life of integrity offer far more value than our accomplishments. Are people happy to be around us? Do we offer compassionate care for others without needing personal recognition for our actions? Are we the type of person others want to follow because we are consistently kind and empathetic? Are we graciously mentoring younger generations, particularly in our own families? Or are we stuck in the past, overly vocal about our own experiences, pessimistic about the future, and rigid in our thinking and opinions?

I am quick to say, "I am a physiotherapist...I am a mother...I am a grandmother...I am a wife." What if I were none of these things? Would I still have value as a human being? Do I look down on others who have no obvious life achievements?

I told this centenarian who is no longer a sister, wife, teacher or writer that I thought she was an inspiration, a wonderful example of healthy aging and a person who had much to offer in wisdom and experience. Her family members are devoted to providing the best care for her because she is valued and loved. I have seen many people nearing the end of life and their lifetime accomplishments no longer matter. People remember their character and imprint on younger generations.

We all know people who are high achievers and in their quest for greatness, disregard and belittle others who stand in the way of their goals and their need for recognition and validation. Sadly, many of these narcissistic people exert their power in families, churches, businesses and government. I have seen people like this estranged from families and without friends when they need them most. I remember one man who was cruel and abusive to his family and habitually angry about one thing or another. He was diagnosed with cancer and given an accurate six-month prognosis. His behaviour took a 180-degree turn as he tried to mend all his broken relationships in the little time he had left. He was not as successful as Ebeneezer Scrooge was in his single-night transformation. Some of the hurt he had caused, particularly to his wife and children, was not easily forgiven as his previous actions left deep emotional scars. 

What am I? I am a person like billions of others on earth. I like my job and enjoy biking, birding, travelling, reading, and spending time with friends and family but these things do not fully define my character. I want to leave a legacy of unselfish love, joyful generosity, wisdom and compassion. That is a work in progress.