Social Connections

We met Michael, a middle-aged man with Down syndrome when we vacationed in Michigan in October. He was travelling with his elderly parents and was a pure soul, cheerful and friendly in his childlike manner. He loved high-fives, everything pumpkin, and tee shirts with matching socks. I asked his mom if I could take a selfie with him and he was more than delighted to oblige. It was a pleasure to meet him.

I have had the privilege of meeting and working with people with a wide range of disabilities and lifestyles as well as people from every socioeconomic level in society. In recent years, I have worked with people from many countries and cultures. 

When I started in a job-share position at a local hospital in February 2020, the world was on the verge of a global pandemic and I had no idea that my nine-month contract would extend for four years and eight months. I resigned from the job-share this month and am now a part-time employee, covering only sick days, vacations and weekends as needed in various hospital departments.

An introvert by nature, I am not one to join groups or enter the seniors retirement subculture. I love being with people of all ages, abilities and social backgrounds. The patients and staff members I work with are as diverse as our community. The culture at the hospital is not ageist or discriminatory toward any group. Each day I report to work I can honestly say, "I love my job!" But I must prepare for the inevitability of being fully retired.

Social connection is essential for healthy living and aging but people are increasingly isolated. Families become geographically scattered and are also shrinking with each generation. My husband's family lives locally and he is one of four children. Those four had eight children and only three grandchildren in the next generations. The cousin pool is shrinking quickly. I was talking to my brother Mark last evening. He is a talented, outgoing person but described how hard it is for him to make new friends who are not part of a joint project or task. He and I never learned to just "hang out" with people;- being with people always involved work. People like us who grew up in rigid belief systems can find it difficult to make friends with people who are from "other tribes". This is increasingly evident as religious, cultural and political divisions widen from cracks to chasms separating communities and families further.

Grandma D. lived independently in the community until she died just before her 94th birthday in 1990. She was good at making friends and had to keep redefining her friend group as old friends passed on before her.  She volunteered at a local nursing home and called on a rotation of friends in her small town most afternoons. She befriended a single mother and her four children who rented an apartment above a store across the road. My husband meets with friends most mornings at Tim Hortons for coffee but that is not something you see women doing regularly. 

I envy my friends who are involved in caring for grandchildren who live close to them. I am fortunate to have one gracious lifetime friend who has persevered in maintaining contact with me even in very busy seasons of our lives. I have a handful of other friends who are involved with their own families but are available to meet up from time to time. Thankfully my daughters are also my "best friends". Dr. Atul Gawande wrote Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, one of my favourite books about aging. He says,

“Human beings are social creatures. 

We are social not just in the trivial sense that we like company, 

and not just in the obvious sense that we each depend on others. 

We are social in a more elemental way: 

simply to exist as a normal human being requires interaction with other people.”

And so I contemplate meaningful ways to connect regularly with people in the next season of life.